Opening to the Experience of Real Relationship
The call to awaken comes from deep within. It is the invitation to an adventure like none the world has ever offered. The following dialogue has the awakening of the mind as its primary focus. This dialogue is representative of this purpose. This is one of many dialogues David has engaged in, with the intention of uncovering beliefs that seem to obstruct the awareness of love's presence. He extends both clarity and depth. Since 1990, he has traveled all around the United States and into Canada having very open discussions in which no questions, concerns, or topics were "off limits." The discussions have included nondualistic metaphysics and often resembled a kind of spiritual psychotherapy in which everyday problems and issues were traced back to the false belief system in the mind, where correction is then possible by accepting a healing thought--a miracle. Although these gatherings have taken different forms (i.e., talks, classes, workshops, weekend retreats, counseling, and longer intensives, held in homes, churches, backyards, bookstores, etc.) the purpose has remained unchanged -- to learn true forgiveness and recognize the state of enlightenment.
Teaching that one can recognize truth as all there is and awaken now, what is taught is simply a reflection of clarity in mind. This is a living experience and presence more than just the presentation of ideas.
As Messengers of Peace, we serve as "mighty companions" for each other and recognize that awakening is not a casual endeavor, but one that demands a deliberate and uncompromising commitment. The depth of discussion reflects our willingness to question all our assumptions directly and immediately. It may be considered radical or extreme and from the world's view it is. Total transformation of the mind is approached with a passion and devotion and a burning desire that comes from within. This is our unified goal and purpose.
The time has come to awaken. The time for words and concepts is almost over. Now we seek direct experience of God's Love. We gladly lay aside techniques and repetitions and rituals, that we may come to meet God in the Silence of our hearts. What we thought we knew of God was a mistake. And so we come this time with empty hands and open arms, aware that we do not know the way to God, yet certain that God will show us the way.
As we look around we see that mighty companions have gathered beside us for this final ascent to God. A friend's a friend forever in the Lord. The welcome never ends in the face of Christ. The Holy Relationship has come upon us and we are filled with joy and gratitude. The witnesses to the happy dream are seen everywhere, in every direction we look, and at all times. The blanket of peace has spread across the face of earth. Tranquilty is flowing to its corners.
There is nothing left to do but celebrate, rejoice, bless, and heal. All the trinkets of the world that once caught our eye are valueless before the vastness of this present experience. All ambition and striving for future goals has vanished. All curiosity about the world and its ways has ended. We rest in a stillness so deep and so unfathomable that time drifts by without its touch upon us. We listen. We hear. We rejoice.
This journal is merely a collection of words. Of itself it is nothing. May its words be a reflection of the Inspiration within you, the Call to awaken and be glad. May you be speeded on your way to peace, joy, and eternal happiness. And may you experience that which we cannot speak of, but that which is yours for the asking.
Opening to the Experience of Real Relationship
Q: My intention and interest is in taking a deeper, closer look at the meaning of relationship. I feel like I dont know what real relationship is. Im unclear. I think its something that I am really not aware of. Deep down I feel that real relationship is being in Union with God, but that is beyond my experience. So everything I have believed about relationship has not brought me to the experience I have yearned for. I truly want to know the experience of real relationship.
D: Its a good starting point for you to admit that you dont know what real relationship is. You can say the words Union with God, though you speak of a collection of words that are not your experience. You are stating your intention to come to the experience of real relationship. What have you thought that relationship is in your life?
Q: I think of relationship as a harmonious experience of connectedness between one person and another person.
D: Lets start out by looking at what your experiences have been. You have experienced disillusionment.
D: In every attempt that you have put forth to be in the connectedness you have sought, to be in that harmonious relationship you have sought, you have been disillusioned.
Q: Yes, disillusioned in marriage and to some extent in all my relationships.
D: Marriage, family relationships, friendships, employment relationships, etc. have all been unsuccessful in meeting your desire for a consistent harmony and an experience of lasting connectedness.
Q: Yes. I have at some time or another been disillusioned in all of my relationships because I have not found the lasting happiness, the lasting harmony, the lasting feeling of connectedness.
D: How do you define relationship? This is a beginning point in dissolving the disillusionment and dissatisfaction you experience. Are you aware of all of the unconscious assumptions and definitions you hold about the concepts of relationship in your mind? Do you have any idea of the hold these concepts exert on your experiences of this world? First we must take a look at how you have defined relationship, for your experiences of the world result from your beliefs and concepts and thoughts about yourself and the world.
Q: Im not defining it now I notice, or at least if I am defining it now it is not a conscious thing. Im so much more aware that I dont know what it is ...instead of thinking that I do know what it is.
D: If you seem to experience disillusionment, be assured that you firmly believe that you know what is not true. Disillusionment is not an experience of True Knowing, Wisdom, and Understanding. We are together going to discover and release the false belief of attempting to know and figure out the world and the cosmos, or in this case the meaning of relationship in this world. Let us start this journey together with whatever comes to mind right now.
Q: Well relationship seems to be between persons. And I guess a characteristic of a so called good relationship would be open communication.
D: And how would you characterize open communication?
Q: I would say open communication is a willingness to talk things out. It is a willingness to put your feelings and thoughts out on the table and work things through. And that working through, I believe, probably always results in changing some form component. What I mean by form component is that a change of circumstances is made as a result of that working out or working through or talking through. That change is supposed to help the situation and that change is supposed to make a difference or bring about a solution to the problems which arise in the relationship. And lots of problems arise in a relationship, so there is a great need for open communication.
D: You say problems arise in a relationship, so youve defined the problems as something wrong within the relationship as you perceive it.
D: And in defining the problems as within the relationship, you also believe that something needs to change in the relationship in order for there to be a solution to the problems, for there to be the experience of connectedness and harmony that you yearn for.
Q: Yes, thats it!
D: You believe that a change in form is necessary for there to be a feeling of connectedness.
Q: Yes. For example: Were not speaking to each other enough, or were not sharing enough activities, or were not spending enough time together. Problems in relationships are always along those lines of thought.
D: So the problem as you see it is defined in terms of form and the solution to the problem is defined that way too. Did those definitions and that method of problem solving ever work for you? Did you find the lasting happiness and harmony you sought for in that perception of relationship?
Q: No, no, no! (Laughter)
D: (Smiling) Did you give it a sufficient number of attempts?
Q: Yes, yes, over and over. It was so circular. The frustration for me was that the willingness was there to talk things out, but we didnt have a clue on how to do that. I mean I think we wanted to find a solution, but we didnt know how to talk about it. We just didnt know how to work it out. Its like we were missing the boat in finding the problem and so we were missing the boat and solving the problem, but we didnt even know that. So the problem was never solved -- surprise, surprise. It was very circular. At best wed arrive at a temporary solution that made things seem to feel better for awhile. But the solution never lasted because the same problem or a related problem always recurred.
I think another characteristic in my mind of relationship, of a good relationship, had to do with some longevity built up over time. Shared history and shared pain and shared joys and shared struggles were all part of building a good relationship. It was a combination of the up side and down side, all of it. Longevity made the relationship seem stronger even though there were many ups and downs.
D: And what happened to that notion?
Q: At some point longevity made no difference at all. That wasnt the cementing factor in the relationship. It seemed to crumble in spite of many years of being together.
D: Well this is a good start, then, in seeing the disillusionment of defining relationship in a certain way and looking for solutions to problems in a certain way. It is seeing the disillusionment of the pattern of trying to use relationships to solve a perceived inner lack, an emptiness that was unresolved. It is a pattern of looking to forms and situations and outcomes to resolve the feelings of emptiness or lack of connection and intimacy. We are together on the verge of learning that forms and outcomes and situations are the past, so when I want to fix somebody, when I want to change somebody, when I want a situation to change, a behavior to change, I am actually hoping to change the past to resolve an inner conflict. The belief is that a change in form is a real change and will really resolve the conflict.
Q: So how do you mean that? How do you mean that looking for a change in behavior, whether its the other persons behavior or even my own behavior, or wanting a change in my situation -- is hoping to change the past?
D: Well everything is truly perfect As Is right now, yet feelings of emptiness, feelings of lack of connection, and feelings of lack of intimacy are all only symptoms of the belief that things would be better off if they were different than they are. The world of images is the past, and the desire to change the images is the desire to change the past. This is a reflection of the belief that one can only find what one seeks if something changes in form. It is the demand that the past be different instead of opening to the healing idea that only a change of mind is necessary to resolve the apparent conflict. This change of mind can only occur in the present, and can only offer the awareness that the past is gone.
Q: How do I come to that awareness, the awareness that the past is gone?
D: It is essential to begin to realize that the resolution of all conflict is within the mind. You have to be willing to look within your mind before we can really get at the problem or recognize the Solution. The apparent problem is resolved as it is brought to the inner Solution, and that is why everything is truly perfect As Is right now. The inner Solution knows no opposite.
Our discussion must necessarily include metaphysics or a willingness to go beyond the physical, beyond what is perceived with the five senses. We must be willing to open to the Truth of our very Being in God. Only in the present, this very instant, the Living Moment, is there true freedom and release.
Q: OK. I am willing to look at this very deeply. I truly want to find peace that lasts and an Intimacy that is Constant. I am willing to do whatever it takes. What are some basic metaphysics that we need to explore? It seems that you are implying that I have a lot of unconscious beliefs and assumptions that I need to question. Is this the case?
D: We must together question all that has been believed to be true. We must from the outset not hold any belief to be sacred or beyond question. For we cannot experience what is beyond the physical unless we are willing to question all that we have believed to be true. Do you understand the direction our discussion must take?
Q: Yes, I see the direction we are moving in. We are looking at very basic questions, questioning the very nature of reality, the very nature of what is real. It is asking those questions: What is God? Who am I? What is the meaning of life? This is where we are going in all of this, isnt it?
D: Indeed! Let us be very direct and straightforward. Awakening to Truth is the simple realization that God is real and that Love is real, and that there is no opposite to a Loving God. Divine Mind, Being One with God, is Created to be a Creator. Spirit, Being and Creating in the likeness of God, is Spirit. As God is Spirit, so is All Creation. So the natural State of the Mind is Pure Creativity. Creation is the extension of God. And Being One with God is to extend as God extends. This is what Jesus refers to as the Kingdom of Heaven.
Perception, as a sharp contrast, is a distortion of Creative ability. And projection makes perception. In other words, there appear to be illusory thoughts in mind that werent Created by God and that seem to be projected or to go out apart from the Mind of God. In truth this is impossible, for Ideas leave not their Source, and What God Creates as One is One forever. Miscreation is projection and this is always a distortion of Reality. All perception is unreal in that sense because it has no divine origin. Perception was made instead of Created, and therefore cannot be real.
So in very basic terms, Mind was Created to be a Creator, not a perceiver. Perception is the wish to be some thing that You, as Spirit, are not. This wish seems to have taken form. So the entire perceptual world of time/space/matter is an illusion. The nothingness of illusion pertains to all matter, all time, and all space, for what seems to be linear time-space is a distortion of Reality and but masquerades as an opposite to Eternity. This apparent cosmos of galaxies and stars and creatures is the belief that it is possible for there to be some thing other than God, other than Eternal Love.
With the belief in separation from God, the sleeping mind became identified with the body and a cosmos surrounding the body as its new home. The body is seen as the subject, which then perceives a world and a cosmos with other bodies as the object. There is something to perceive with, a body and five senses, and something that is perceived, a world and a cosmos, and thats whats involved in perception.
If we examine this in a time sense, all of those forms, all those projected idol image thought forms, are the past. In other words, the ego seemed to happen in the unholy instant, in the past where the mind seemed deceived and confused and forgot its True Reality. The projected world is just a shadow or an out-picturing of the false idea that is the past. So, when we talk about personal relationships and bring our discussion back to the context of relationships, we could accurately say that all personal relationships are the past. The grievances that are held always involve the body self-concept and behavior: (ie., You said you would do this and you didnt, you arent the same as when I first married you. We agreed to be together, but youre not the same person that I married.) Money issues, sexual issues and concerns, jealousies, envy, and all the so-called relationship problems, no matter how you define the situation, are body based. They are based on the belief in the reality of the past. The deceived mind is trying to use the past to resolve the guilt and conflict that it feels (ie., Im lacking and theres something that can make up for that lack, theres something in the world to complete me, and theres a way that things can work out that will make me happy and fill the void I feel inside.)
Q: So, when you talk about using the past to resolve conflict, youre talking about the belief in separation. Is that what you are referring to when you say using the past to resolve the guilt and conflict?
D: Yes. The belief in separation gets played out in form in such a way that the out-picturing of the belief seems to be a perceptual world in which persons, places, events, and things are still here and still happening, though in reality they are already over. They are all the past. What seems to be still occurring reflects the belief in separation in mind, the belief that one is lacking something, the belief that one is not whole and complete already.
In other words, the cosmos was made to be like a movie screen or a giant distractive device, a dream where pseudo problems and pseudo salvation could be worked out. The world is a dream of images, a vast magic show which the ego holds out as a substitute to Eternal Reality. The ego is trying to convince the sleeping mind that happiness can be found on the movie screen or in the dream. Every attempt to get relationship, defined in form terms, to work out, is an attempt to find happiness and love where they are not. This is a prime example of looking for love in all the wrong places. Yet this blind seeking applies to all form, for Love is Spirit and not limited to form of any kind. And the sleeping mind which seems to have forgotten its Identity as Spirit appears to be dreaming of a world of unreality, though it knows not it is dreaming.
Relationships which are defined in terms of form are always defined in terms of persons. Believing its self to be a person, the sleeping mind has dissociated the Light of Truth and has forgotten I am Spirit, I am Eternal, I am Changeless. Focused in on and identified with a fragment (person), as opposed to or in contrast to other fragments (persons), the sleeping mind perceives everyone as a separate person with a separate mind and separate characteristics. There is an apparent ongoing push and pull, a repulsion and attraction in these co-called form relationships, and there is an underlying friction which seems to exist between these so called fragments (persons). Each one seems to be a fragment with a life of their own, and each one seems to be very unique and very different from the others.
The world teaches: even in the best of relationships, youve got to take the good with the bad, because after all no one is perfect. In this world perfection is illusive, for there never was a perfect person or a perfect family or a perfect marriage or a perfect relationship. Yet when we go much deeper into the lack of connectedness we can begin to see that the way relationship is defined is the problem. It is an erroneous concept of relationship that blocks real relationship from awareness. The worlds concept of relationship includes the concept of persons with private minds, thoughts, bodies, needs, wants, and personal interests. Therefore interpersonal relationships are seen through the lens of lack (ie., fulfilling needs, mutual psychological and sensory gratification, reciprocity, etc.).
Q: Yes, my happiness is in meeting your needs and having my needs met by you is a common belief. That is the common hope in relationships.
D: The sleeping mind believes that it is a person, that it has real needs, that it is lacking in certain ways, and that it takes other people to help meet those needs and fulfill those lacks. When one looks at the world at large, at a larger scale so to speak, there seems to be an interdependence apparent in the way the world is set up (ie., the food chain, the ecological system, supply and demand, and psychological dependencies as well). The idea of interdependence is that there is a chain of dependence of one person or thing upon another person or other people and things. The belief system of the world relies on this dependence for its existence. The belief system on which all of this is based is what has to be questioned if were to get down to the bottom of the false concept of relationship and discover the meaning of real relationship.
There is a lot of talk about intimacy and connectedness and harmony. In love songs lyrics speak of forever and everlasting, and certainly the ideal of enduring, everlasting, harmonious, continuous relationship sounds good. Yet those terms dont describe what is perceived as interpersonal relationship in this world. For even in the best relationships, when they seem to be sustained that is, it is still perceived that death of the body or splitting up and moving on cuts the relationship short of the ideal.
Q: And are you saying that this perceived cutting short of the ideal is all because the relationship is defined in terms of the body?
D: Yes. Bodies seem to join and to separate, but True Union is Eternal. Loss is the belief in separation, which is symbolized by a limited body identity. All definitions of relationship that involve the body are based in loss, yet in real relationship, of the Spirit, there is no such concept of loss. Even the seemingly more advanced relationship concepts, (ie. twin flames or soulmates) are based on an assumption that relationship involves bodies, that there is a person in the world for everyone that is a true love. The unconscious belief is that theres some kind of wholeness which is accessible when those two people come together that is otherwise not available. Yet True Wholeness is the ever accessible Divine Mind Which transcends the belief in separation and the body entirely. Wholeness is the experience of the Living Moment.
The Soul is Spirit and is not limited or contained in any way. The Soul is not in a body, nor are there separate souls, for the Soul is One. There are not separate souls seeking to return to the One, there is only the One. The concept that Destiny is fulfilled when two souls meet each other rests on the concept of separation and the relationship is dependent upon the meeting of souls, dependent upon finding that lost soulmate or that twin flame. Theres still a dependency on time-space and form in this artificial construction of relationship. The Mind is infinitely One in Reality, but in the deceived state of mind asleep there appear to be separate persons, separate bodies, and each separate person or body seems to have a separate mind associated with it. So the properties of the body have been assigned to the Mind/Soul, and the Mind/Soul is then seen as fragmented. In this sleeping state of mind, relationship is therefore defined in terms of persons. We seem to have one person with a body, mind, and soul and another person with a body, mind, and soul, and they may seem to have some commonalities, some shared interests and goals, some of the same likes and dislikes.
Q: ...And the more the better. (Laughter)
D: Yes, according to the world, the more the better. Intuitively common ground can be a symbol of Oneness, yet the more the better implies that there will be differences, that everybody is a unique and separate and individual, and that no two people are completely alike. In the worlds perspective there may seem to be common ground in terms of values, priorities, and even in terms of physical or sexual compatibility.
Q: Or even lifestyle.
D: Yes. Social class, status, and many different things seem to be common ground in terms of the world. These are all ingredients in the worlds view which go into the making of a good relationship. Yet we come full circle to the point that you began with, that you dont know real relationship. And the reason you dont know real relationship is because what the world calls relationship is not real relationship at all. It is a farce, being false. It appears to hold out the promises of happiness and harmony. The ideal is to live happily ever after, but that ideal is an illusory form, and as one goes through experiences of this world the ideal seems to be shattered over and over and over again and again. The illusory form never lasts, for what was made temporal can never be Eternal. There is no substitute for the Eternal Love of God.
The deceived mind looks to form, to the past, to fill the void it feels. The deceived mind has denied the perfection of this very instant, and attempts to change the form until it finds the ideal, the perfect form of happiness. This is looking for Love where It can never be found. This is looking for Eternity in time-space. Yet time can never take the place of Eternity, nor can the finite replace the Infinite. And concepts of self can never take the place of the Self God created One forever as Spirit.
Q: Im feeling like I want to be more in touch with those self concepts, whatever they are. I am not sure about what I believe and what I am clinging to and trying to make real.
D: It takes willingness and attentiveness to examine beliefs closely. You begin by just noticing the thoughts, the thoughts that seem to fill your consciousness everyday, and you will gain some idea of how body related they are. As you give your attention to the Purpose of forgiveness, you begin asking in every situation: What is this for? What does this bring me? Is this pursuit bringing me security and connectedness and peace and harmony. If I know where Im going to be staying, who Im going to be with, and what Im going to be doing in the future, what does this really bring me? Has there ever been a lasting peace and security in knowing the past or attempting to figure out the future? What self concept has ever brought you a lasting experience of connectedness?
Q: Are you suggesting that anytime I can notice that I think theres a form that will provide me with peace, happiness, and security, that this noticing is exposing my self concept?
Q: Im not real clear on that. Can you expand on that idea? Im not seeing the connection real clearly.
D: Well, in the ultimate sense, the entire cosmos makes up the self concept. In its deceived or sleeping state, the mind seems to select or zoom in on particular things that it wants to identify with, that it thinks will bring it security and happiness. It has forgotten desireless Oneness and is dreaming a world of false desire. In the dreaming of the world this so-called selection can appear to have enormous variation. The sleeping mind seems to take on the forms of the world (ie., a body identity, partnership, money, power, fame, romance, just to name some of them).
Q: Then love, as I have experienced it in this world, is still part of that deception, that condition of sleep and dreams?
D: If you mean by love romance and sexual attraction and mutual gratification, yes they are all experiences of the self concept. Anything that seems to exist in form, in and of itself apart from the rest of the cosmos, is the self concept. Divine Mind is completely Abstract. An idol is an illusion of a specific form, and God knows not form. Idols are believed to offer a satisfaction and happiness will that will substitute for the Abstract Love of God, and the game of the deceived mind is the pursuit of these things. Seek and do not find is the game of the world. So opening to the State of Mind which transcends the self concept is truly a miracle. You begin by watching your mind so you can start to notice the attachment to the things of the world, then you sink beneath those thoughts to the Divine Light within. Meditation is an emptying of the contents of consciousness. There is a Silence within in Which the world disappears completely.
Q: I can tell by those thoughts, when I think along that line of thought, that I must still believe that theres this perfect mix of Mind and body (Laughter). Maybe I think its 95% Mind and 5% body, but as long as I think that theres even a tiny percent of anything but Divine Mind, its a joke isnt it?
D: Yes. There is no Life, Truth, Substance, or Intelligence in matter. There is no Mind in matter. Divine Mind is Abstract, yet the concepts of time, space, the body, etc. are concrete or specific. Forgiveness is unlearning the belief that there is Mind in matter. It is seeing that matter is causeless or without a source. The sleeping mind, under the Spirits Guidance, is unlearning the belief that an Idea of God can leave its Eternal Source and have existence in time-space apart from its Source. It is unlearning the belief that Spirit can leave Spirit and enter into time/space/matter. The sleeping mind is thus unlearning everything it has learned about material existence. Such is forgiveness.
The world is the attempt to combine the body and the Mind. Yet the truth is that body and Mind are not reconcilable. Divine Mind is completely, wholly, totally Mind. There can be no compromise in Absolute Truth.
The Truth is true and has no opposite. The Truth is What Is, Absolute and Eternal and Changelessly Perfect. So what is practical in realizing the Truth? To forgive is practical, and to forgive is to expose the false as false by watching the mind and releasing thoughts and beliefs that have no basis in Reality. It is important not to despair when you begin to uncover and expose illusions, when you begin to attentively watch the thoughts of consciousness. It is important not to be discouraged as erroneous thoughts surface, but to be very grateful that such thoughts are not real thoughts. Seeing their unreality is the true release. Such is healing.
The only reason to be so attentive and alert in mind watching and to want to release erroneous thoughts is because they cover over the Divine Light in awareness. Opening to the Light within is opening to a Higher Purpose.
Q: Do you at some point feel a certainty about relationships? As the mind is riveted on a Higher Purpose is there a certainty of Union with God in relationship? Its just that I havent equated Purpose with relationship and I think I dont know what "Higher Purpose" and "relationship" really mean.
D: This is why we are looking at all this very deliberately, very directly, and very slowly, step by step, precept by precept, assumption by assumption. You will discover that every question is really a question of identity and is based on what you believe to be true about yourself and the cosmos. A sleeping, deceived mind is unclear about everything and knows nothing, for it has denied its Self and God, and its Self and God can only be known. Clarity is instantaneous, its not something that takes time to realize. Removing the blocks or obstacles to clarity is the task at hand.
Q: You dont have to think about clarity, right?
D: Clarity is not something that requires analysis or synthesis. Analysis and synthesis are erroneous streams of thought about the past and future. Clarity is Now. It is not something that is put together or built upon or arrived at in the future. Clarity is this Moment.
Q: Its here in a flash?
D: Yes. If you are clear Now, then awareness is clear Now and there are no false assumptions believed real. If you seem to feel lost or unclear, there are beliefs and assumptions that seem to block the Light within, the Light of Understanding.
Q: I dont know what questions to ask. I dont know where Im not clear.
D: Lets keep our discussion very simple. Look at how you are feeling now. Look directly at what you are feeling in this Moment.
Q: I dont know ...kind of, just kind of limbo.
D: What does that feel like for you?
Q: Ummm. Kind of suspended or in between.
D: In between. Ahhhhh, the belief in duality to look at and release. Suspended ...something behind and something ahead ...something to move toward and something to move away from. What is this something that you believe is out in front of you, out in the future? If you believe and feel as if you are in between, you must believe you are in between something and something else.
Q: I think I feel as if I am in between what I once defined as relationship and what is actually an experience of real relationship, between what I thought I knew and didnt, and what I dont yet think I fully know.
D: Well since we are not concerned with finding meaning or understanding in illusions of the past, let us turn our attention again to the experience of real relationship, which you have labeled what I dont yet think I fully know. An experience of real relationship ...when would that experience be, what time could it be but Now?
Q: (Laughter) I know the words It is Now, but I dont know if I really know the experience. I still am not sure about the present moment that you speak of. Maybe there isnt any experience except Now, but I still believe in a past and a future.
D: Okay, look at this directly. You speak of the Now as a concept, but when you say you feel in limbo, in between something and something else, you define these two somethings as the way you used to define relationship in the past and the hypothetical experience of real relationship you pretend to want and yet believe is in the future. If you feel in limbo, if you feel in between, if you feel confused, it must simply be that you are not clear Now?
Q: Yes. Oh I accept that ...that Im not clear Now.
D: You accept it. But are you willing to question what you believe and your perceptions of yourself and the world? Belief clouds mind and perceptions of self and the world. Can you see that?
Q: I accept that that is the case. I accept that that must be the case, otherwise I wouldnt feel in limbo. I dont know where to go with that feeling though. I dont know how to go deeper so I can be clear about this? I guess Im not clear on what it is Im not clear about.
D: Then let us retrace our steps a bit. Relationship problems, as they are defined in this world, are always specific. What are some specific relationship problems that come to mind for you? What are the things that are bothering you about relationships in your stream of consciousness? You must start with concrete, specific examples and work it back much deeper into the mind to discover what you still believe is real and true. It shouldnt be a strain or effort, as if you were on a witch hunt looking for the conflicts in your mind. If you just relax and watch the thoughts go by, gently become aware of something that seems slightly distressing, annoying, or irritating about any relationship you may think of. Just relax and try not to willfully search your mind. Just sink inward and be still a moment, and let the thoughts go by. Notice them.
Q: What comes to mind is the trivial stuff that we were laughing about at dinner, the stuff I that I use to block my experience of the Joy of the Moment.
D: Be more specific?
Q: Ummm, ...having my mind be occupied with what is really of no consequence, with what really doesnt matter, that which is all about form, that which is petty and doesnt support my remembering the Joy of the Moment. Im afraid of the Silence of this Moment, afraid of the nothingness it will bring, fearful to not have any of those trivial thoughts about the stuff of the world. And thats why I said that theres a time and place for that trivial stuff in a flippant, arrogant tone of voice, as if some of that trivia is good and necessary. When I am in the flow of the Moment, happy and content, I feel on Purpose. In the flow it seems I am completely unaware of those trivial thoughts. I dont feel on Purpose when Im having those trivial thoughts.
D: From what you are speaking about it seems you feel emotionally split. The declaration I hear in your statements is that at times you experience yourself as having trivial thoughts that annoy you and at other times you feel that you are on Purpose with the Spirit and feel happy and content. Yet you cant be two selves that are completely irreconcilable in every way, one being true and one being false. It is not possible to be one self at times and another self at other times. You must come to the point where you can identify the content of the false as false and see that the trivial thoughts and the emotional upset of any kind or degree are not and never have been the Real You. The illusion of upsetting emotion comes from the attempt to hold on to and make real that which has no reality whatsoever. All of the trivial thoughts you speak of are thoughts of the past or future and are specific forms or images or scenes or events. These trivial thoughts are all the same in that they are all the past. And these trivial thoughts are believed to be the source of happiness by the deceived mind. These trivial thoughts are clung to and justified and defended by a deceived mind that believes the solution to a feeling of inner emptiness can be found among them. Yet this deceived mind is itself trivial stuff, for it is not real and it is not Who You are, the I Am Presence. The happiness of the Real You and the Real God Which created You is simply the experience of this Moment. For there really Is only Now.
Q: Then I can release those trivial thoughts.
D: Believing that anything exists apart from this Moment, such as the belief in a self (a person) that has to stop thinking all this trivial stuff by force and effort if necessary, is simply a false belief that has no reality. God created You as Love and therefore You cannot be two selves, a person on a time line and an Eternal Spirit. Spirit (Love) has no opposite. This very moment is Life ItSelf. There is nothing else. You can only truly experience What Is right now! Your Real Relationship is in God this very moment, and this Relationship is the only Real Relationship, for Divine Mind (Love) has no opposite.
Q: So the frustration and the confusion about worldly relationships is really an attempt to be two selves. And you are saying that such an attempt is impossible in Reality. So I can only accept my Self as God created Me, as Spirit or Divine Mind, because there is nothing else besides my Self and God in an Eternal, Loving Real Relationship. I have My Life in and of the Mind of God.
D: Yes!!! The Truth is Divinely Simple. It is the Silence, the Stillness of Life in Divine Mind. It is Spirit. It is Everlasting Happiness and Freedom and Joy! Letting go of the ego (deceived mind) is releasing all erroneous thoughts, including the belief in a self that could ever think such thoughts. Only the Idea of Christ, a Pure Thought in the Mind of God, is true. And You are That. That is All there Is.
Q: Do I know how to let go of the ego?
D: Yes, you must.
Q: Because Love is my natural State of Being, is that why you say yes I must? I must know how to forgive the ego and remember Love?
D: Conflict would be Eternal if you couldnt remember the Love that You are.
Q: So you are saying that if I claim that I dont know how to release the ego, or I claim I dont know how to do it quite yet, that claim is just the ego making an excuse, afraid of the Love?
D: Yes. And excuses are illusions. It was the ego that believed in the need to make them. Effort itself is an illusion. It takes no effort to Be What You are right Now.
Q: I still feel at times that I am just not trying hard enough and consistently enough to reach Enlightenment.
D: The I of which you speak is not You as God created You. Awakening is the experience of your Reality Now. Awakening is the release of the concept that there are two selves, a letting go of the belief that observed and observer are separate, that subject and object are separate. All strain comes from comparison, and all comparison presumes a split that is not real. How can the comparison of two illusions, both unreal, be meaningful? The comparison of nothing to nothing is meaningless. Illusions are one, not many. There is no split in the perceptual world, just a single erroneous belief in separation in mind. Seeing the impossibility of this belief is healing or coming to Wholeness.
Q: I want to get this anchored in awareness. I feel like it is such an expansive awareness and yet it feels very tentative and elusive, like Im just barely touching it. So it is a letting go of the idea that the "thinker" of time/space/matter "thoughts" has any reality whatsoever. Are you saying that that "thinker" is not real?
D: God is real. Christ, a Thought of God, is real. Eternity, Eternal Thought, is real. The time/space/matter cosmos is not real because it has no source, no thinker, no real "source," and therefore follows nothing. Spirit Creates Spirit, Eternity Creates the Eternal, Infinity Ceates the Infinite, Perfection Ceates the Perfect. An erroneous belief is not Spirit, not Infinite, not Eternal, and not Perfect. Christ is a Thought in the Mind of God, and God is a real Thinker. The thinker of the apparent temporal cosmos is not a real thinker, so the cosmos has no reality at all. There is no need to harbor or protect meaningless thoughts or to attempt to maintain a meaningless thinker. The thinker and the thoughts are one illusion, and that illusion has gone. You are as God created You right Now!
Q: I am not so sure, at least not yet.
D: A not yet thought is simply an attempt to deny the Reality of That Which You are forever. Reality is beyond the need for acceptance. What Is remains forever What Is. To accept Reality really only means to be aware of It. Any doubt or uncertainty is characteristic of the thinker and the thoughts that make up the ego/cosmos illusion.
Q: So all the time-space thoughts are unreal and the mind that seemed to think the unreal thoughts is unreal -- thats what it amounts to. The ego has no source and therefore does not exist.
Q: And so that illusion cant be Who I am.
D: Indeed! You are as God created You.
Q: Its that awareness I was trying to get at just a couple of days ago, when I was asking you to talk about real thoughts. Thats what this is about isnt it? Its that distinction between real thoughts and unreal thoughts?
D: (Smiling) To Be or not to Be. To think with God or to attempt the impossible and make believe illusions are real. To feel Loving forever or to hallucinate the experience of upset and suffering...
Q: Only the real I can think real thoughts, and everything else was from a make believe "i". And I can tell which I is the real I by how I feel right Now. Is that what youre saying?
D: Yes. We began this conversation by exploring the topic of relationship, but we have come to the Point of healing the mind by releasing the single belief in separation that was the underpinning of the entire time/space/matter cosmos. We discovered together that a fundamental assumption in defining all interpersonal "relationships" was the concept of personhood, of separate selves with separate bodies, minds, and thoughts. In sleep and deception it has appeared as if the split was within the perceptual cosmos, on the screen so to speak (ie., subject/object, observer/observed, perceiver/perceived, person/other person, individual/cosmos), though in Light it is seen that the split was but an error in mind. Seeing the unreality of the error has demonstrated the unreality of the cosmos the error seemed to produce.
Reality is Whole as Divine Mind is Whole and as Spirit is Whole. Oneness is of and in God and cannot be broken apart. You are Vast as God created You. You cannot possibly be a fragment of mankind, a fragment of humanness among many other such fragments, in a cosmos which seems to be filled with hostility and conflict. All the former effort and striving were directed at protecting and defending this make believe self-concept of multiple selves and a cosmos that has no reality at all. Happily that illusion of effort is past, for Who You are Now is a Fact of God. You are not multiple selves, just One. And your Real Self, the One Spirit, is indivisible. Such is the simple Truth.
Awakening is Inner Harmony and You simply cannot oppose anything. There is no one and no thing else for You to oppose, You Being Pure Oneness. One Self is Reality. All comparisons and judgments and concepts and opinions vanish when it is seen that they were all but one illusory self of meaningless thoughts. All opinions, every seeming fragment, and every seeming person that seemed to have an existence outside the Mind of God were one illusion. This was the past, yet the past is gone. The Truth is forever of God, in Eternity, and Changelessly Now!
Q: So, are you saying that the entire time-space cosmos is the realm of the unreal thoughts.
Q: ...coming from an unreal thinker.
D: The thinker and thoughts were one illusion.
Q: And Reality is... ?
D: God and Gods Creation. ...the Thinker and Thought are One Reality, Now and forever!
Q: So beyond belief is Reality. Beyond concepts is a real experience.
D: Yessssssss! Oneness can only be experienced Now, not described or explained. Oneness is beyond all beliefs, all concepts, all opinions, all specifics. Oneness or Truth or Enlightenment is an experience always available Now. By seeing everything that is false, in its entirety, the false is negated and only Truth remains. For Truth simply Is. And there is nothing but Truth.
Q: Then Truth is not a personal experience?
D: Truth is Universal, Absolute Experience. Persona is a concept which means mask. When the mask is laid aside, the Eternal Spirit is no longer hidden in awareness. In Reality Spirit is never hidden. Wholeness completely transcends the illusory concept of parts. Truth is openly revealed and revealing (Revelation).
Q: Well that is a breakthrough! Mind watching, or noticing all those past and future thoughts, is not a personal thing. Thats where the struggle seemed to come in my perception. I mean if its a personal job its a chore, and its a big job that seems to take a lot of effort. If I release the personal me, I am the looking the awareness. There is nothing to defend and nothing to be assaulted in this gentle looking and awareness.
D: (Smiling) There is no concept of not yet.
D: You see the personality construct was linear. This very Moment has swallowed up the time line, all sense of personality, all concepts of interpersonal relationship, and the not yet concept. Heaven is surely a State of Mind that is Now. This is the Grand Simplicity of Love.
Q: Hummmm ...I may ask you to remind me of this a lot in the next few days. It feels very important to let this one in. I can feel the resistance hovering over it, kind of moving in and out of the clarity around it. I notice that this pattern has recently been the case. When I feel like theres been a real kernel here that can pop everything open, I feel an excitement and vitality and clarity. Then I feel this dense fog roll in very quickly.
D: You think I believe that?
Q: (Laughter) Which I is that coming from?
D: (Laughter) Option.
Q: Option. What do you mean?
D: (Smiling) Another concept.
Q: Giving myself an option to be unclear?
D: Yet Clarity is only this very Moment.
Q: So why am I afraid to be clear?
D: Who is that I that is afraid? Theres no striving in the Now. Just look.
Q: I notice that I feel like I have to put so much mind energy forth to get some grasp of this experience, and to hang onto it. I feel like it takes so much focus and intention, and it feels like a great effort. It feels like something I have to work at. And youre saying its not any of that?
D: Who is the I that has to work at something? The experience of Now is not linear. "Work at" implies continuation, process. Enlightenment is instantaneous.
Q: Ahhhhh. So why do I feel that it takes a concentrated effort and intention on my part to stay with this, even in the conversation? Is it because Im still looking through the ego filter?
Q: So feeling like it takes effort is resistance?
D: Resistance is an illusory symptom of false belief. Do you want to attempt to think apart from God and believe that it is possible to do so?
Q: No. But I feel like thats where Ill be if I dont keep applying this effort. I still believe vigilance is called for. I feel the struggle of being vigilant.
D: Go past the concept of vigilance. It is just a concept. Let it go. Persons are vigilant. You have seen yourself as a person who carried the vigilance torch, and it seemed to be a helpful concept for a while. Now, let it go.
Vigilance ...against what? Vigilance falls away in the recognition that there is nothing against which to be vigilant, there is in fact no ego. Surrender to What Is, for Love is inevitable. End the search Now. Accept your Self as God created You, Changelessly One forever.
Thinking you know continues to be an attachment that you have to let go of. Time plays heavily here. The past and present you believe youve figured out already, and you want to know the future so you can then figure it out too. In that there is no Knowing whatsoever. You deceive yourself royally. Let Holy Spirit show you how far reaching is your I know belief and what an obstacle it is to your awareness of Love and Truth. It is a needless protection from uncertainty and against surrender. You use it for a false sense of control because you are fearful. And what is it you fear? The Unknown. And that fear of the Unknown is actually reinforced every time that you think: I know. The I know belief is a mask over the dreaded I dont know. Quit denying I dont know with I know. Instead look at I dont know. Who is the I that does not know? Certainly, not the Self God created Perfect and One. The i who wants to know believes there is something in this world to know. It therefore feels it will be swallowed up if it doesnt hold onto that knowing.
So it comes back to self being lost in Self, i "being lost" in I, in Being. Indeed, thats the way it goes, thats the way the little self disappears. The resulting Joy is indescribable. Judgment is how you demonstrate that you believe you do know, and in every instant it merely keeps hidden your unsubstantiated fear of the Unknown that remains blocked from your awareness. You fear what you do not Know only because it is unrecognized, that is, it does not fit one of the mental boxes you use to safely hold the world together.
Simply see that what you are attempting to "hold together" is only an hallucination.
Q: Thanks for this opportunity to open to the Truth of Real Relationship.
D: You are most welcome. It is a delight! Thank You God for creating All as One. Amen.