Chapter 7

Subject: What is Abstract Light?

Dear David,

I am confused when I hear you use the term “Abstract Light.” In my understanding, it is the words and concepts which are the abstractions (detachment or “drawing away”). God then would be the only truly concrete (or non-abstract) thing which exists.

I have considered that perhaps you are saying that God is not really “light” in the worldly sense (photons), but that light happens to be a good symbol for God, and therefore the concept is used as an abstraction for God. If that is what you mean, why IS light a good symbol? Is it because light symbolizes truth (illumination) and the blessings of sunshine?

I certainly don’t mean to reduce God to word play. It is only that I have been confused about this matter for some time. I had been under the impression that ACIM really was referring to light as photons. This certainly intrigued me, but left me deeply baffled. :)

With endless gratitude, and a big warm hug!

 

Hello Beloved One,

Thanks for writing. Abstract Light has no form or matter to it and is not concrete or specific is any way. Abstract Light is the Light of Understanding. Abstraction is the natural condition of the Mind: formless Abstraction. God knows not form. You might think of this Light as the Light mentioned in many “near death” accounts. The cosmos is a cosmos of time-space, many seeming concrete specifics, degrees, intervals, levels, increments, etc. Abstraction is beyond this, for before time-space was, I Am. I Am is Pure Abstraction. There is nothing of this world which has any relation to Divine Abstraction.

Blessings of Love,

David

 

 

Subject: What is real?

David,

Are you real? Or are you just part of the dream, representing my desire to awaken. Am I the only being in the world? There is no PeaceHouse, is there? Unless of course I decided to go there, then it would all be exactly as I made it up to be. There never really was a man named Jesus. This is all contrived. I made you up, didn’t I?

 

Beloved One,

I am real. There is only One. You are the One. I am the One. There is no David in Reality, yet David can be used by the Holy Spirit as a symbol or reflection of the desire to Awaken. There is no Grant in Reality, yet Grant can be used by the Holy Spirit as a symbol or reflection of the desire to Awaken. The same applies to Jesus. There is only the Spirit God created Eternal. There is no PeaceHouse in Reality, and yes if you seemed to decide to go “there” it would be exactly as the ego made it up to be. Perception is selective and subjective through the ego’s lens, and there is no objective world apart from the perceiver. The ego made the cosmos, yet the Holy Spirit uses what the ego made to lead to the Kingdom of Heaven within. Love is All there Is. Eternity Shines!

Love,

Oneness

 

 

Subject: When will this thirst end?

Dear Davidji,

Lots of miracles keep occurring. Often sometimes more than often, the awareness of the Truth “hits” one. But yet there are times like this morning when one gets bogged down by others’ reactions to these miracles. One’s thought then go wandering into territory which one “knows” is not real. This morning one was besieged by these thoughts. One lay down, contemplated on the Self, prayed, called on the Holy Spirit, said one’s mantras and the “fight” seemed endless. There was hollow in the pit of the stomach. All along one was fully aware that one’s mind was in the” wrong” place. Yet whatever one did seemed to be useless. These barrage of thoughts just kept coming. Now several hours later some easiness has set in. But still one feels that this is not enough. There is more to be felt and be...why is this avoiding one when one wants it so badly? How to? Deep hunger still prevails and there is a gnawing at the Heart....when will this thirst end?

love as always

 

Beloved One,

Thanks for pouring out your heart and for your devotion to Awakening. The thirst for the remembrance of Self and God is what seems to propel the search, the quest. It is the Call to remember What is Forever True. The thirst ends in the experience of the Answer within, and this is experienced as it is obvious there is nothing of this world to hold on to or desire.

Nothing.

No thing.

No concept.

No belief.

No want.

No need.

No time.

Truth is approached through negation. Look directly at everything that Truth is not, and what remains constant is the Truth that Is.

“others’ reactions”

“thoughts”

The invulnerability of Christ rests in the willingness to align only with real thoughts and the Holy Spirit’s Perspective. What seems to be “others’ reactions” are doubt thoughts which seem to veil the Face of Christ. You are the One. Mind is One. There can be no “self” and “other” in a mind unified through forgiveness. Mind is unified and cannot meaningfully be broken into separate parts.

Surrender is the Answer.

It is impossible to let go of “something” that was never there.

Now is All.

Love,

David

 

 

Subject: Faith or Works?


 Hi Brother David,

Just a few lines regarding some discussion in our midst I thought you might like to comment on when you get some time….

The discussion seems to come down to the age old controversy in Christendom - Works or Faith. On the one hand one can believe that the Course is a process that ends in the Holy Instant. And that the process is [works] - removing all the obstacles to peace until the Holy Instant is realized. While the other is [faith] believing that the Holy Instant is NOW, in the present moment. And that thought is held in the mind by the power of the Holy Spirit, a choice made by the decision maker - made by I. - [You, the Son of God.] One can believe, this moment, that he is either a miserable sinner, "the home of evil darkness and sin" or the free Son of God.

The whole ACIM Chapter 15 is very interesting in this regard and I quote two passages to make my point.

ACIM T.15 I.10 Time is inconceivable without change, yet holiness
does not change. Learn from this instant more than merely that hell
does not exist. In this redeeming instant lies Heaven. And Heaven
will not change, for the birth into the holy present is salvation
from change. Change is an illusion, taught by those who cannot see
themselves as guiltless. There is no change in Heaven because there
is no change in God. In the holy instant, in which you see yourself
as bright with freedom, you will remember God. For remembering Him
is to remember freedom.

11 If you are tempted to be dispirited by thinking how long it would
take to change your mind so completely, ask yourself, "How long is
an instant?" Could you not give so short a time to the Holy Spirit
for your salvation? He asks no more, for He has no need of more. It
takes far longer to teach you to be willing to give Him this than
for Him to use this tiny instant to offer you the whole of Heaven.
In exchange for this instant He stands ready to give you the
remembrance of eternity.

Therefore, it comes down to a question of belief. Does it not?

Paul in his letter to the Galatians Ch 3 opens out this dichotomy in another way. "Oh! Foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth …did you receive the Holy Spirit by the works of the law or by the hearing of faith?" Paul believed that his faith made him guiltless and free from sin!

The little book "The Cloud of Unknowing" states that God is held by the heart and not the intellect. "By love can he be caught and held, but by thinking never."

There seems to be a view that the Course is heavy on process and light on faith.

I would hope you can discuss this and expand on it.

Peace, joy and love
---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Greetings Beloved One,

 Thanks for your subtle question. You wrote: "Therefore, it comes down to a question of belief. Does it not?" Atonement is a belief that takes one instant to accept, and therefore Atonement is not a matter of time. Atonement seems to take the form of 'a decision to
accept Correction' for a mind that believes in opposites and choice. The belief in linear time is the ego, as is the belief in a "decision-maker." The Holy Spirit IS the 'final' decision that is
inevitable. A Course In Miracles contains words which are used by the Holy Spirit to speak to the mind which believes it is an ego and has separated from God. The seeming "process" of Awakening is the illusion of "giving up" the ego, and therefore the "works" that are
inspired by the Holy Spirit during the "process" of Awakening are illusion as well.

Let the seeming "Works" be inspired and Guided by the Holy Spirit and the seeming results are 'more and more' sustained experiences of love, peace, happiness, joy, and freedom in awareness.

In Perfect "Faith" there is the Perception of Wholeness. In this Perspective there are no longer separate "Works," just one beautiful Tapestry. This beautiful Tapestry quickly gives way to the Instant of Revelation, the Holy Instant, Which is the Pure Light of God. Desire the Holy Instant, for It cannot be denied in Truth.

Forget this world, forget this Course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God. This is a Call to remember the Holy Instant. This is truly the Aim of A Course In Miracles and Self-realization.

Wholeness knows Wholeness, and there are no parts. Faith knows Faith, and there are no works. Love knows Love, and there is nothing else.

In Loving Kindness,

David

 

 

Subject: Take the leap of faith


 Hi David,

I have been on your list for a month or two.

I have been reading ACIM on and off since 1995, but it's only since 2 months ago that I started to put the lessons and reading text into a daily routine, mostly out of desperation.

Now the main reason I am writing you is from what I can tell by your responses to people on the list, you seem to have a real handle on the principles of ACIM, like you are really, truly living it. What was your life like before ACIM, and how is it different now? Was there some negative circumstance that brought you to ACIM first?

I have been long battling severe anxiety and depression. I am now 33, and at a big crossroads in my life. I know positive change is coming soon, yet a lot of times I don't trust that things will ever get better. I feel like I have been suffering forever, and so much of the time I am filled with frustration and hatred for myself for my negative, fearful thinking which seems to plague me. My investment in ego thinking is so strong I fear I will never recover my true self.

I am a singer & songwriter, and career issues have been tied up with my identity for a long time. I left a good job a year ago to pursue the music, but once again, my anxiety & depression took over and I just can't seem to move forward and have enough confidence in myself to face the world and share my talent. I am afraid of my own power and the attention I would get from people because of this talent. My ego wants it, but also makes me terrified of it.

I have been unemployed all this time and I am racking up thousands of dollars in credit card debt. In a few months my cash reserves will be gone. It seems that that's what it will take to get me moving out of my apartment into the world or to pick up a phone and start making connections.

I am afraid of people basically. I am afraid of rejection, failure and success, both in my career as a musician, and in social/romantic relationships. I have very low self-esteem, even though I have everything in the world going for me that most people would give anything to have. I don't know what to do for myself anymore. I've tried therapy, self-help books, everything. I do believe my only answers at this point lie in the Course. But even through my study of it I cannot seem to completely let the ego go. I have too much time and energy invested into it. It would feel like I was losing myself if I completely let it go. There are days where I have noticed improvement, but when I go down, I really go down.

I really don't know how to help myself anymore, because I feel like my own worst enemy. I have felt like something is 'wrong' with me since childhood. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to study the Course every day and still on some level be resisting its teachings. Marianne Williamson answered a question of mine during her web cast, and she said 'it would take a miracle' for me to make this transition and finally take the leap of faith.

But what does that mean? Do I just keep studying the Course and hope that someday it will work on me? Or is there something more I need to do? Psychologists would tell me there is no answer except to take action. (God helps those who help themselves). But I am an avoidance addict. I am afraid to take action. I am afraid to reach out to people. The longer I live in isolation, the harder it gets. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I am really missing the boat here, just not getting it.

Any insights you could offer me would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

 Thanks for pouring your heart out and sharing your thoughts, for not protecting them is a big step toward healed perception. The willingness to ask for Help is a reflection of the desire for
healing. I came to the Inner Voice for God long before ACIM came into my awareness, and now I experience Life as Oneness with God and All. The Principle of Love is Alive Now as a State of Being! Initially the Holy Spirit used the contrast between fear and love as a way of showing that there must be a better way than the past seemed to offer. As the willingness to follow as Guided seemed to grow in strength, the happy lessons of forgiveness followed and link in a circle of Atonement. In Atonement Now I am aware that the separation and the story never happened. Love simply Is.

First it is important to be open to the idea that it is impossible not to know God's Will for Perfect Happiness. Hesitation offers nothing. Delay is futile. Love is inevitable. You have gifts to give over to the Holy Spirit to use for Awakening. It will increasingly seem more and more impossible not to use these talents for the Glory of God. Anything that does not Glorify the Creator is a wisp of illusion that will pass away from awareness.

Open your heart to allow the Holy Spirit to make contacts for you and bring holy witnesses into your awareness. The backdrop will be a scenario for allowing the Holy Spirit to initially take care of credit card debts for you, and for you the path will be rich with holy encounters and opportunities to brighten your attitude. Simplify your world as a reflection of the desire to simplify your thoughts and align with the Holy Spirit. Take time to read and practice ACIM and do the Workbook lessons. Let it be a path of devotion. Use the free resources on the web site http://awakening-mind.net and feel free to attend a gathering or reach out to those that are Awakening along with you. You are not alone, for God goes with you everywhere you seem to go. The Presence of God is unmistakable for a willing mind and thankful heart.

The illusion of isolation will begin to fade in awareness as you trust the Holy Spirit with each small step you take. You have taken a big step by writing this e-mail. Your seeming "problem" is not private anymore, for you have opened it up to the Holy Spirit. All
of the legions of angels await your tiny nod of willingness to spring into action on your behalf. Jump in, for Love is the "safety net" underneath the seeming leap, and the Holy Spirit will surely carry you through the darkness to the Light! No one can fail who seeks to reach the Truth.

I am with You Holy One of God.

Blessings raining down,

David



Subject: Searching for a Calling


David,

I have spent the last year in turmoil of losing house, giving up belongings, garden and pool, lots of space to smaller space; then moving alone. I have been searching for a calling, the path where I am go be used in the Spirit. It seems as if it is holding out for something as I am still waiting for direction. Please fyi.

Patiently Aging
--------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

Thanks for writing. Yes, the Holy Spirit is Calling. Everyone is Called, though in this world few seem to listen to or answer the Call. Yet nothing of the world matters to Eternity. Peace and Happiness are a matter of decision and the willingness to decide for God. The Call can seem to get covered over with many distractions and ego pursuits, yet the Call remains. The Call, if followed, will Guide one toward the Holy Instant in which Love simply Is.
Everything I share is Given freely as assistance in answering the Call. With a little willingness the door to the turn around will be apparent. Make use of all that is offered. Take the baby steps of a little willingness. And above all expect miracles, for they are natural and a reflection of our Heavenly Inheritance. Use the many resources that are offered on the main web site as a beginning: http://awakening-mind.net

I am with You all the way! I Love You dearly.

Love always,

David


 

Subject: What is life without goals and ambitions?


 David,

What is life without goals and ambitions? I mean I have heard so many times people quoting "Man without a dream or a vision shall perish". Aim or a goal in life drives us to do work or action and that keeps us busy and occupied. Now even if we try to do action just for the sake of action and not for any rewards or fulfillment of desires, still how do we pick any action without a purpose? I mean I brush my teeth to keep them clean and it is a hygienic thing
to do. If you say you reply to people's emails and do talks I am sure there is a goal, aim or purpose behind it. You would like to help people. But again choosing you as an example would not be the right thing to do as you are an exception! So many people, people
with good intentions, people seeking peace of mind, you know the majority of them do action driven by an aim or goal. Goal being where do I see myself 5 years from now if I do what I choose to do now. What should I do today that takes care of my family now and also in the future and so on and so forth.

Goal, ambition or aim is a thing of the future. So I guess my question again is what is living in the present if the essence of the "present" is the past and the future, I mean present does not
exist without a past or future.


---------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Beloved One,

 Thanks for your sincere question. It seems that life is moving forward in this world and that time and progress move forward toward the future. Future goals seem to aim at something better than the past or present. Yet the past is gone and the future is but imagined. Both are defenses against the Present Moment and the realization that everything is Perfect right Now.

In Awakening time seems to collapse, it seems to shorten, and it seems to move backward toward the original error and then disappear entirely in the Innocence that precedes the error. In Awakening time is like a carpet that rolls back and rolls up completely, so that nothing is left at all. The Present is before time was. This is another way of saying what Jesus taught: "Before Abraham was, I am." Awakening is remembering Original Innocence, and this
Enlightenment experience has everything to do with Now and nothing to do with time. The essence of the Present Moment is Eternity and Now has nothing to do with linear time or past or future. Life is a State of Mind. With regard to this world, the closest approximation of Eternity is Now. Now is the rebirth of Spirit in awareness. Now is free of past regrets and grievances and future worries and anxious plans. There is a meaning to the quote you
share, "Man without a dream or a vision shall perish." Without the happy dream of nonjudgment, without the Vision of Christ, everything of this world does seem to parish, for nothing of this world is everlasting.


Goals and ambitions seem practical in the world, yet if they are aimed at the future and future outcomes I assure you that they are ego motivations. Present Peace is a "goal" worth desiring, for it is more than possible, it is inevitable. The experience of Present Peace results from listening only to the Spirit within, and to the Spirit there is no tomorrow. The Holy Spirit uses time to teach that there is no time. This is the Purpose that inspires and blesses and even seems to motivate action until the awareness dawns that nothing is really happening. The happy dream is like a lucid dream in which the dreamer is aware of dreaming. Dreams are not taken to be Reality, and sleep is not taken to be Wakefulness.

If you feel like you are driven to "do things," ask yourself if there is a fear of consequences. If you believe that to not "do things" will result in fearful consequences, then it is wise to
examine what is believed. As long as fearful beliefs are held as true, thoughts and actions will be fear-driven. Forgiveness is a miracle and it releases the mind from fear of consequences. Let the Holy Spirit be the Purpose that gently Guides, and you will never feel "driven" again! Value not one belief the ego sponsors and enjoy the experience of Divine Ease. Not one seeming difficulty but will melt away before you reach it.

Accept Present Bliss as our Purpose, and watch how bright the world seems in awareness. Seek not to change the world, seek rather to change your mind about the world. Enlightenment is as simple as accepting the Changeless as True. For there is nothing else but
Love! All Glory to God!

Love Everlasting,

David


 

Subject: Awakening Advice


 Dear David,

I am writing again as I am in need of further clarification of what is really happening. I am sober now nine years. I am very aware of the awakening process that began at that time and now it's taken on a very different feel. Since beginning ACIM and becoming dedicated
to the Truth, I have had so many of my ego thoughts just disappear. And it's very unsettling because they are attached to bodies and it's just weird. I may sound crazy and I feel that way a lot, but the speed at which they are dissolving is indeed mind boggling. I know that my favorite projection is guilt---I have had so much to release--and yet the people in my life that I thought were pure and innocent all have had recent happenings which forced me to find the
innocence. I know that my thoughts are being purified and ideas don't leave their source, so all is within me - my own judgments are being seen-- it's almost like my whole life is being replayed and allowing me to get it right! I really don't think I'm making sense here after reading this. But I will go on.

I thought that getting sober would be about being able to "participate in the world." To be a part of - to be of service to others - and of course to support myself. I have been able to do
that but at what cost? I am tired all the time - I do things I don't want to do and yet I'm still afraid to do nothing. To just be. I choose this job that I'm at right now and I accept that. I
don't want to move farther away from the Truth, yet I don't want to stay at this job much longer. I am afraid that if I leave, "others" will say:

I'm forever running, never satisfied, always moving from one job to
the other, can't count on me to stay put, I'm leaving a secure
position, benefits; I am walking away from insurance and a future in
this business; I am so irresponsible and lazy; See I told you she
couldn't work; she's never going to amount to anything; she's not
doing anything; she's not successful, she's a taker. Who does she
think she is? You can't just up and leave a job that others would
love to have?

I am committed to Joy and happiness and abundance and Love. I want that more than anything. The fear of being penniless and a burden to my daughter is what keeps me stuck I think. Thanks David for your continued dedication to healing. I await your response.

Much love

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

 Thanks for your devotion to Awakening. As you progress inward it will be more and more evident that you are happily becoming God dependent. This is the meaning of "Except ye become as little children ye cannot enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Infants are completely dependent on their parents for survival in this world. Likewise one must be completely dependent on the Holy Spirit to remember the Christ Self and God's Love. As you follow the Voice for God within the doubt thoughts will continue to seem to dissolve, and your apparent "needs" as you serve the Plan will be handled miraculously. Now is a time of deepening in our shared Purpose, for this depth is required to take the steps that will surely follow.
Be gentle and kind and nurture the Awakening of the mind by addressing whatever is placed before you. Let the tomorrow take care of tomorrow. Concerns and worries about the future are never prudent or practical, for they are always based on the past.

Ease your way into Divine Providence by accepting the Peace within, and watch how effortlessly and miraculously everything is handled for you by the Holy Spirit. You are a messenger of God's Love and God's Messengers are worth their keep while they serve the Holy Spirit's Purpose. I have an online book for you to read that will help your confidence in the Holy Spirit and Divine Providence grow in leaps and bounds: The Peace Of God Is My One Goal. Here is the online link: http://global-miracles.net/library/bookspubs/varley.htm

Like many, you will benefit from witnesses of being about the Holy Spirit's Purpose. You will seem to take on a lofty function as a miracle worker, for you have been Called by the Holy Spirit to this holy function. The many 'doings' on which you will be sent will bring with them much Joy. And these miracles will convince your mind that the 'laws' of the world it seemed to believe in and serve were never real. Your 'story' will be miraculous, and then you will see that you are far more than any story that ever seemed to be. You are the One!

Recently a number of new CD gatherings and new videotapes I share were made available online for free at the following locations. Please feel free to use what is provided freely in the Great Awakening, and pass it on freely: 

Many resources are available on eBay:

http://course-in-miracles.us

 

Hundreds of hours of my mp3 audio recordings are available at:

http://a-course-in-miracles.org

 

Many of my online videos can be accessed at:

http://acim-online-video.net

 

Online Order form for Awakening Mind & Messengers of Peace publications:

http://awakening-mind.net/form.html

 

I am joined with you in Purpose and rejoice with you as the doubt thoughts disappear from your awareness. They will all disappear. All Glory to the One Who creates Perfectly and Eternally!!!

Love,

David


 

Subject: Form vs. Content


Dear David:

It was a rainy, foggy morning and not a particularly up day. The CIM lesson for me today was "The Peace of God Is Shining In Me Now".

As seems to be shared by many, it has been difficult for me to reconcile the CIM teachings with every day life in the world...especially when what I've (we've) projected there may not
always be extraordinary, but much of which is often so compelling anyway.

Business worries and problems took center stage for most of the day, and at this time of the month--hey, this is relevant-- I am hormonally challenged (which may inspire another email altogether). I mention all that I do here to paint a portrait of my day as an example of the conflict I am experiencing.

In the late afternoon, the sun seemingly miraculously came out, and I took off on my bicycle toward the path by the river. The air was so clean and almost crisp and a dry wind was blowing lightly. It wasn't quite sunset and as the first formal day of Fall, that moment
colored the sky in perfect sync with the date's designation. It was suddenly so gorgeous outside.

Okay, so what's the point? It's a question, really. Given the above scenario, you'll understand if I sound a bit testy or sarcastic. I don't mean to. But, if we are to believe that all of these circumstances in the world of form do not really exist, then are all the values we have associated with the pleasant and the unpleasant invalid wastes of time and energy? I lose sight of the alternative to thinking this way.

Is it as pointless to allow one's self to be occasionally seduced by pleasure and beauty as it is to collapse into fear? Are they both traps? Or are these lovely experiences a glimpse of the even more splendid stuff on the other side?

I hope I am making myself clear. I think I'm feeling guilty about helping myself to feel better by seeking out the goodness in the world of form...when I am learning it is neither substantive nor meaningful. Are we to believe that the feelings we get from watching the sun set and such are merely distractions? I used to think they were gifts from God...sometimes even signs that all is (or will be) well. Do I have to abandon that notion since it is not true? Or could it be in some way that would not compromise The Truth?

Many thanks for your website, its and your wise counsel and gifts, and today for giving me, if nothing else, a forum in which to vent.

Please attempt to enlighten when you can.

Most gratefully

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

Thanks for sharing and venting what is on your heart. You are dearly loved and fully appreciated. Your questions get to the subtleties of the mind training required for Awakening, because in dreaming things are not as they seem to be.

Everything that appears in this world of dreams is given its meaning by the mind of the dreamer. And the dreamer is asleep and dreaming of forms aplenty, unaware of the Abstract Light of Mind Awake. The sleeping dreamer believes in both love and fear, dissociates these
feelings, projects the split onto the dream, and perceives a world of opposites as 'reality.' Thus beautiful and ugly, good and bad, sunny and rainy, clear and foggy, unpleasant and pleasant, etc. seem to be real descriptions of real sights and sounds and smells and conditions in the dream. There are even 'spiritual' paths that tell students to 'accentuate the positive' and 'eliminate the negative,' as if it is possible to tell them apart.

The one right use of judgment in Awakening I call discernment. How does one feel? Is one happy, peaceful, joyful? Are one's perceptions stable and consistent? The experience one has is a barometer of the stability of one's perception. In order to be consistently peaceful, mind training is required. This involves the relinquishment of judgment, releasing the belief that one is actually capable of judging anything at all. Each step inward is more and more humbling, until the mind reaches a point at which it can honestly say: "I do not know what anything is for." Yet this is the point at which the mind can experience the meaning of
forgiveness.

Be gentle with yourself on this inward journey. Accept the symbols that come to you with gladness and appreciation. Let the Holy Spirit use the symbols to remind you of the Inner Beauty that is far beyond appearances. Let the colors and the sights and smells and sounds wash through your mind as reminders of the Vastness and Glory of Being! Discover the Beauty of the Holy Spirit's Purpose. Without judgment are all things equally acceptable. Without judgment one can see the Big Picture, the Tapestry of the Cosmos. Without judgment there is nothing 'outside' the mind and everything is therefore included. Without judgment nothing can be rejected and there is only harmony. Without judgment conflict and competition are no more. And without judgment One is happily, simply Being, and in this Being is everyone and everything included.

The alternative to judgment is acceptance. There is another way of looking upon the world, and this new, fresh Perspective is worth the mind training that seems to precede It. As self-concepts are laid by, so are the expectations and the stress. Behold the world anew and see a forgiven world without agendas and controls and rules. As one is light hearted one perceives a light hearted world. Notice the synchronicities and the melody and the orchestration of the Big Picture, and observe it all with Supreme Detachment. There is a Joyful Passion in beholding all things with Detachment.

Who One is, the Christ, is truly Gorgeous. The opening to this State of Being is worthy of the attentiveness to mind training and the opening to the Holy Spirit's Purpose. True Beauty dawns as Content of Mind, and as this transformation occurs all the forms light up and are seen as the same. It takes faith to keep attentiveness to mind training and to be open to miracles. The miracles stabilize and clear one's perception and are truly worth the effort and practice. I am joined with you in miracles and know that every bit of willingness to allow the miracle into awareness is something to rejoice about! As you proceed the ego's emphasis on
form will be eclipsed and transcended by your alignment with the Holy Spirit's Content.

In Flowing Love always,

David


 

Subject: Calling forth the witnesses to Love


Hi David.

I won't always be writing this much or this often. It will come in waves.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. He couldn't join us (when you visited) because he had to go out of town unexpectedly. Halfway through our visit he said, "I want you to know that your improvement is remarkable. You are much more peaceful and at ease, much more confident and seem to be very much happier. So I just want you to know that whatever interaction you had with the visiting Teacher is very obvious, very noticeable and
very beneficial."

I knew that, but I thought you would be interested to know that it was so vividly noticed by a psychiatrist.

Quick question: The Text keeps using the word "dissociating" -- what does that word mean, particularly in light of the Text's usage.

Thanks

Much Love

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 Beloved One,

Thanks for this shining witness to the Power of Love. As for your question, dissociation is the attempt to forget love. It is an attempt to keep love and fear apart, for if they are brought
together only love remains. This world was the attempt to believe in BOTH love and fear by dissociating them and keeping them both. Healing is bringing darkness to Light or fear to Love, for they only seem to co-exist when they have been dissociated or kept apart.

Here's some quotes from ACIM that clarify this:

"Unless you first know something you cannot dissociate it.
Knowledge must precede dissociation, so that dissociation is nothing
more than a decision to forget. What has been forgotten then
appears to be fearful, but only because the dissociation is an
attack on truth. You are fearful <because> you have forgotten. And
you have replaced your knowledge by an awareness of dreams because
you are afraid of your dissociation, not of what you have
dissociated. When what you have dissociated is accepted, it ceases
to be fearful.

Yet to give up the dissociation of reality brings more than merely
lack of fear. In this decision lie joy and peace and the glory of
creation. Offer the Holy Spirit only your willingness to remember,
for He retains the knowledge of God and of yourself for you, waiting
for your acceptance. Give up gladly everything that would stand in
the way of your remembering, for God is in your memory. His Voice
will tell you that you are part of Him when you are willing to
remember Him and know your own reality again. Let nothing in this
world delay your remembering of Him, for in this remembering is the
knowledge of yourself.

To remember is merely to restore to your mind what is already there."
(T-10.II.1-2)

"Our emphasis has been on bringing what is undesirable to the
desirable; what you do not want to what you do. You will realize
that salvation must come to you this way, if you consider what
dissociation is. Dissociation is a distorted process of thinking
whereby two systems of belief which cannot coexist are both
maintained. If they are brought together, their joint acceptance
becomes impossible. But if one is kept in darkness from the other,
their separation seems to keep them both alive and equal in their
reality. Their joining thus becomes the source of fear, for if they
meet, acceptance must be withdrawn from one of them. You cannot
have them both, for each denies the other. Apart, this fact is lost
from sight, for each in a separate place can be endowed with firm
belief. Bring them together, and the fact of their complete
incompatibility is instantly apparent. One will go, because the
other is seen in the same place." (T-14.VII.4)

Love & Blessings,

David

 

Subject: Pondering thoughts on forgiveness

David,

I have been thinking a lot lately on this issue of forgiveness. Here are my thoughts.

Is it possible for me to be able to forgive? I don't think so. Not if I am thinking of it in the terms of forgetting. Yes in the terms of realizing that whatever was done, was just a mistake, and that they and I are going to make many more mistakes.

Is it possible for God to forgive? I again don't think so. He loves us unconditionally, which to me means he holds nothing against us. Therefore there is nothing to forgive.

Where does the mistake in understanding forgiveness come from? I believe it comes from our own judgments. If I judge a person bad, or evil, dirty, or whatever in terms of what they have done (or I have perceived they have done), then it is my own personal judgments
against this one. And since my judgments are personal, they must be forgiven by my own judgment rules. And these rules have nothing to do with forgiveness. They do have to do with keeping someone else under my assumed power, conditionally.

Why am I different from God, Our Father, if He is all there is. With me being an extension of Our Father, The Creator, then why do I judge, when He does not judge? This I do not know.

David these are just some thoughts I have been tossing around lately. Thanks for reading these thoughts.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and questions about forgiveness. Yes, God does not forgive for God has never condemned, and there must be condemnation first before forgiveness is necessary. God does Love without conditions and Is Unconditionally Loving. God knows only Perfection, therefore God knows not of forgiveness. The Holy Spirit, the Bridge to remembrance of God's Love, is the means of forgiveness. The Holy Spirit overlooks illusion and recognizes the Truth. The Holy Spirit's Perspective is Nonjudgmental, and by aligning with this Perspective it is apparent that it is impossible to judge. This returns awareness to Nonjudgmental Being, the Being God creates Eternally. You experience that nothing really happened at all.

The personal perspective of the ego made the world of time and space seem real. The ego was the belief in judgment, in the ability to order and rank illusions into a hierarchy. Yet given to the Holy Spirit this insane belief dissolves, for judgment never had a real source. And being without a real source judgment had no real effects. Forgiveness is seeing the impossibility of judgment and thus Awakening to the Natural State of Being Which is forever
Changeless. While the belief in a future remains, forgiveness seems fearful. This is because there seems to be a "gap" of time UNTIL forgiveness is accepted. Be not content with future happiness for it is not your just reward. You have cause for freedom Now. In the Present the personal perspective is gone AND forgotten. The Kingdom of Heaven is Now!

Love always,

David



 

Subject: Awakening to Christ Light


This message is for David or who ever receives this.

First of all David has blessed my heart so very much as I had lost all sense of direction doing a comparative study of world religions. I was a fundamentalist for many years then after studying a book called sixteen crucified saviors by Kersey Graves I was horrified to
see other religions parallel with Jesus and the bible. I lost faith in Jesus for 7 years but I went from one religious sect to another seeking enlightenment, talking to gurus and New Age groups. I received some pretty good tools like meditation and chanting. But my search for inner peace was in vain until I heard David a couple of Months ago over the internet. It was Gods grace I found your site and I listened in awe at what came to me was a re conversion
[AWAKINING] to Christ Light. I now am back to belief in Jesus and much much more. Thank you David for being instrumental in bringing me back home to Jesus.

I have one question today. Since we are in essence in a state of perfect being and indeed always have been, then what is the need for Grace and atonement? In particular Grace? I am still very young in the Course and am sure the answer is right in front of me, but perhaps you can steer me in the right perception. Also do we who study the Course call ourselves Christian? Are you a Christian?
---------------------------------------------------------------------

 Beloved One,

Thanks for writing and sharing your journey, your AWAKINING to Christ Light. There are many paths in form, but the Content - Divine Love - remains Everlasting. Jesus has a way of coming back and coming back into awareness, leading the seeker to the experience of the Oneness of God's Love. I am grateful to witness to the conversion from darkness to Light.

Grace is the State Of Being that knows the Truth, that One need do nothing to Be as One already Is. It is the Gift of Creation, God creating Spirit as Eternally One. Atonement is the Answer or Correction offered to a mind asleep and dreaming of separation from God. Atonement is the one need of the sleeping mind that believes in the reality of the time-space cosmos. Atonement simply shows the false as false, for thus is the world and make-believe self forgiven. Atonement restores awareness to the ever-Present State of Grace.

You can call yourself whatever seems most Helpful at any given moment. This is a form of the Workbook Lesson: "I will step back and let Him lead the way." Let the Holy Spirit put the words in your mouth and you will always offer a blessing. When you desire to be truly Helpful, miracles occur naturally. Miracles are involuntary and should not be under conscious control. They simply flow from Love.

I am identified with God and unidentified with everything of this world. Therefore I stay aligned with the Spirit in the Now and completely unaffiliated with persons, places, things, groups, religions, countries, and concepts of time and space. Such is Happiness and Peace! I neither lead nor follow. I am. I rejoice in the Light with You Beloved of God! Light is our Home. All Glory to the One.

Love,

David




 

Subject: Zooming Inward to Atonement

Beloved One,

I am so very grateful for the witnesses of devotion, commitment, contemplation, passion, and reverence to God I receive. I received these “trains of thought” e-mails from Josie this month and am touched beyond words by the deep sincerity and desire for Awakening to God. I share them now as a Blessing from the Heart and will share comments at the end of the e-mails. Thanks Josie for sharing these heartfelt streams of inner thought:

 

sacred commitment

today I told you in front of others (braving shame) that I commit to

you

aware I have no way to defend this

imagining the reproaches

“who do you think you are

that you can stop what you have been doing,

what you are supposed to do and

commit to something you cannot even really describe?”

I am not brave really

why I’ve spent my whole life seeking the approval of others

even when I sought it by trying to be so different

and show how I didn’t need it

because then maybe those fortunate few

that appeared so strong and didn’t need anyone’s approval

would approve of me and accept me and somehow

through proximity I would be freed of this need for approval

now here I am

unable to seek any other approval than what feels true inside

struck down unable to do my usual actions

unable to do much else than seek you

feeling you beat my heart

my heart beating for you fluttering in love

so in love I am and yet so fearful for the loss of my life as I knew

it

I recognize already how I have been entered completely by you now

I am only letting go of pretensions that I even have anything

separate from you anymore

that there is even anything that is not you

I just don’t know how to do this

how do I stand up for something purer than pure

more alive than life

so visible as it appears as all that is but when spoken of, seems

invisible, nonexistent?

how do I explain I have found you my love

tears spring to my eyes even as I say this

such joy such fear amidst the tenderness

I could shout out I have found you

I belong to you

I love you and yet it is

so unknown

what have I found in this faceless formless clear living grace

that fills me with joy when I am able to surrender into it

how can I fear death and losing what I love

yet be able to say I love you so much I would die for you,

I would surrender for you,

I do surrender for you,

loving you so deeply, so deeply

I only don’t know how to express this love in any greater way to you

so all I could give to you my love today was myself, my life, my

heart,

I would hold nothing back,

all the smallness,

all the unfinished stuff I thought I had to finish before I came to

you,

all the things I’m still mad at though I have the words “nothing

matters”,

all the problems in the world I still worry about

like the suffering that breaks my heart,

it breaks my heart I am held back

unable to transmit your healing grace to all in pain

to relieve them, to love them, to comfort them, to serve you,

I admit I have not freed myself of the desire to help others

even though I know in words and sometimes in experience

that all is as it should be

and the greatest love allows all to happen without resisting

anything,

yet I cannot rid myself of this dream to be so clear a space for you

that you may radiate through me your loving grace to all

dear one I bring all these to you

even my most jealous thoughts wanting to be so special the most

special one

so that you can’t miss me so that you could love me as completely as

I love you,

the part that says pick me pick me oh please pick me...

please see me, let me be with you, of you, be you, be us, be one

I bring the part that doesn’t trust that you love me

and I bring my shame about how so many seem so content with what is,

with who they are

and their lives and it seems that that is how it should be for me

too

yet you haunt me, you fill me, you shudder me, I feel you vibrate

through me, you send ecstasy into me

it is embarrassing to long for you so much, to feel you so deeply,

to feel called to serve you,

to feel drawn into your grace

I fall

I fall into the abyss

into the blue light

you pulse through me

and I would stand for you

I do stand for you

and I kneel to you

I surrender to you

in grace

my words leave me

my heart in my throat

I love you

it is enough

Josie

 

this is my worded account of all that happens as I process who I am

in this point in time

my heart is in my throat again

a woman sings on a cd

“come, now is the time to worship,

come, now is the time to give your heart, just as you are”

and I feel this breathless excitement

I feel you love

I feel myself ever drawing near

you are here but it takes my moving my focus

from the details to the sublime feeling underneath that is throughout

you have taken me

I know now you have taken me completely

I still search for what I have not surrendered

know my dear one this is only because I didn’t know I was holding

anything back

I offer you all including all I may not know that I still hold back

thank you thank you thank you for receiving me

just as I am

what made me think I had to be anymore

ah the same that still whispers maybe I am not enough

that faint voice of the mind still trying to protect me

from a disappointment that isn’t real,

from the fear you would not take me

not take all of me

but then there is a part that is slowly falling to ground isn’t

there?

the part I thought was me, the veil that seemed so substantial

the part that cared so greatly about everything that was not me not

you

torturing me with total fantasies in my mind of what existed out

there judging me

when it was all thoughts in my mind

how my mind desperately sought for any reason to prove I was

separate from you

poor mind fighting for its existence and it fooled me to think I was

the thought of separation

here I am and I thank you mind

you were my tool

you have sought so valiantly to understand all this

you have worked so hard dear mind

you can rest in me too now

seriously sincerely humbly

I now accept you too

I am sorry I have railed against your worries and your fears

how much I tried to shut you up and control you

the ways I’ve tried to silence you

and yet each piece you kept showing me was only another stray piece

of me

lost

requiring embracement to be made whole again

to be heard, to be felt and then dissipated in love

no

included

included in love with love

like a child shuddering awake from a nightmare

in the loving arms of a parent

each piece required that holy attention

but I kept pushing you away

and therefore losing all the parts of myself you so valiantly

attempted to hold up to me

offering me my redemption

and I, I mistook your efforts

calling it pain

and I tried to kill the pain with every method known to humans

I am sorry

I believed I could not handle feeling all of me

they told me

I couldn’t

I shouldn’t

I would fall apart

I would go crazy

I would feel too much

I would die

I would suffer forever with no hope of release

once lost I would never be found

but you haunted me

I knew in fact it was already over

I knew I could not avoid you and I felt guilty knowing you were

always there

it was like my death was waiting beside me and I kept trying to not

see it

I didn’t know I could face death and live

I didn’t know this feeling that I wasn’t really living came from not

feeling this death

but now I am getting lost in words that begin to get meaningless

where did I lose my truth

what am I feeling right now?

nothing

I see my hands typing and I feel nothing

I know not why I write this or what purpose this could serve

I know not what purpose I serve now

I think I got scared talking about death

I keep surrendering to this moment to this here and now

but when I detach and release I have now several times fallen into

this state where I feel nothing

and I care about nothing and this seems so wrong

I find it impossible to muster up attachment to anything

this all seems so meaningless

contrived unreal no point

almost rage is it?

yes

I still do not understand this at all

why am I alone with these feelings

why do so many walk unconcerned with this

not needing to seek you

at ease in a world not missing this deeper piece

why do I have this emptiness?

and then

and now,

all I do

is close my eyes

and I am filled

filled with you and it is spreads out everywhere

this is my account of all that happens as I process who I am

so now I am urged by longing into my loving you with words

for the moment

this desire to embrace all of you all of you

oh how I do this

my eyes close

I drop into you

it is deeper and wilder

than when I jumped from a plane

more breathtaking

yet infinitely more tender

and I resent anything that keeps me from you even though it is all

you

it is the stillness that calls me deeper and deeper

and in there is a joy that bursts into flames

the joy is in that I am allowing myself to love you so

no longer do I place this love behind structures and faces that I

knew I could never hold on to

what a relief to know it was always you I was seeking

you that I need not control or win over or strive to keep

you who art always there

have always been there

are here now

my love my love how did I not know this

how could I have not seen you

felt you held you loved you

oh sweet one how silently how patiently how sweetly you waited oh

the grace of your patience

it is unbearable that I made you wait

how could I not have taken you in completely for the first moment I

was here

dear one forgive me

I am so sorry

you just were without form

I doubted you

I was trapped in this space of things

I betrayed you

I did not recognize you

I promised I would

I have been hurt when they did not recognize me

but it was this always

is this always isn’t it?

I have not seen you

here

in everything in everyone

oh my dear I hold out my hands outstretched

I receive you

I take you I love you

why could I ever have stood anywhere but in this light?

this light washes me it cleanses it is grace raining down

it falls gently all the time doesn’t it?

yes this is here always

we are all being bathed showered in this grace in every moment

I didn’t know this

you really have been here all along

darling how it must have broken your heart for me not to open to you

here closer than anything and yet powerless to grace me

without my willingness

to feel all

show all

be all

be entered

what I thought I was protecting was killing me

keeping me guarded against you

if only I had known you were

beneath the tears

beneath the fears

beneath this death

I am here and I feel like you are laying a blanket of love over me

a blanket of stillness of softness of safety like I have never known

such compassion such comfort such caring

and I think I open completely

my heart breaks open wider deeper gentler tenderly

so tenderly shattered

you may strike me you may do anything I can hold back no longer

are these the ravings of a lunatic?

certainly I am lost from what is known

and I don’t care the way “ I should” anymore

I fear the consequences of my commitment to you

yet no consequence could be greater than to step out of you again

to be without this light this softness

I am so sorry I defended against you

I am sorry there are brothers and sisters who have only experienced

me defending myself

and not radiating you

I am sorry I have not been here somehow

it is like I wake from a dream

I am confused

why I ever left you

oh a reminder this fear it comes suggesting I could lose you again

yes I’ve heard that

in fact 2 months ago I was told it will end

and this morning yes you will have to go back to reality sooner or

later

you can’t stay in this state of peace of love for god

god is this true?

do I have to lose you?

why would I live to be a walking dead, no longer animated by you

for the first time I know who I am

I cannot, I cannot go back to unconsciousness

must I forget you again my beloved?

oh I am terrified of this

the agony wells up tears in my eyes

if you ask this of me then I must

god I will love you so but this would be the hardest sacrifice of all

how could I give you up?

I guess as long as I feel there is something to hold onto in you

and something I could lose I am still not really surrendered to you

am I?

I am still trapped in form

only this is a formless form

where I hold any words any conception of you at all

I do not know how to move past this my god

I am so in love with you

yet

the truth is

the truth is I am with you

when I close my eyes and I fall into you

I have no words for that I can say nothing at all about that really

that part may be true beyond all

this may be always here

nothing to be lost

I don’t know

I am no longer acting out of knowledge

I am being in this experience

and there is nothing to do but to open completely to this moment

to you to this

oh clear core

again no words are here

but I am directed to use them

for this is my account of this process

ah

the silence is living

full of presence

I feel others that surprises me

I must rest in this silence now

it calls me

I will word again when called to do so

namaste

 

everywhere we are awake!

well today I am in awe

I have realized that I’ve been fed an even bigger lie than I ever

imagined

a lie of omission

the information I found never told me

how many are awake

even recently it seemed still that in every direction

it was mainly the spiritual superstars who get mentioned

dear Buddha dear Jesus dear dalai lama and in more hidden places

dear ramana and others oh so many dear others

and yes the whole next level and level and level below that

but

what happened?

everywhere we are awake! in every direction

the songs the words the signs the birds the colors the wind

why is this not news?

how can this not be announced

the myth is dead

holiness is not lifetimes or heavens away

there is no path

god is held back no more

god is here alive now living presence

yikes that sounds awfully Christian somehow

preachy

hmmmmm

maybe I just didn’t like the announcements

but my first experience was when I was so little

no one told me this then

my next ones came flooding through teenage hood

no one told me then this was ok

well the opposite I used to scare people by knowing things

I’m sure in fact there was a lot of talk about stuff being of the

devil

about heretics and god was dead anyhow stuff like that

as a young adult knowing things didn’t improve

when I was 20 I was sharing with a group

how I felt certain we could all wake up

couldn’t they feel this was all a dream

and I said here watch I’ll just say wake up

and it will all be over and I was ready

and the first man burst into tears and begged me not to say it

pleading he wasn’t ready

it took me awhile to calm them promising I would never say it

and then later I felt alone so alone

I would get scared

but I’d fall in love with god even deeper

and I’d feel even more different

why didn’t I see all this awakeness then

I would have periods where everything was filled with light

I had revelations where I felt a shining light in my heart purity

untouched

knowing nothing had ever happened to me inside

then I would get confused by the hate and violence out there

ok there were the deep depressions too

then I would tap in again to inspiration

I admit I did see god in many places

early Deepak’s words, a course in miracles, Zen Buddhism,

so many authors, the ocean, waterfalls, rivers, stones

and at times in the flow I could speak on more levels than this

and it would come through my art

and it would come through the love I would feel when healing others

when pleading for others to choose to live

but I would begin to doubt

I didn’t know how to fully surrender to the fear

I thought one was supposed to rise above the negative feelings

not fall into them deeply

deeper and then even deeper

and now I am even more uncertain

as I look around I don’t know this place at all

it appears full of suffering and there is this paradox

at the same time this light is everywhere

how does this secret remain secret?

why do millions go to these structures churches temples without

declaring

turn look no longer to the past put down your books

look into the eyes of your brothers and sisters

we are here this love is here the light and love you are seeking is

here

the goodness is here everything we need it is here

peace is here! turn please just recognize it see it see us see each

other

what an odd game

becoming freer

free

and now the world I thought needed freeing is populated with beings

of light

I always saw light in people but not this knowing

this recognition of “awakeness” in so many

yet it is not everywhere

is that just me?

is everyone fully awake?

mind says with great certainty yes because that sounds right should

get a gold star for good answer

myself

I don’t know

the meaning begins to break through

the form filled dimension cannot hold the meaning back

cannot suppress the truth

it comes through the cracks in everything

the final crack was not only in me

it pierced every piece

the light radiates through

all is holy holy holy ground

again again and again

I see not only did I not recognize you god

and not only did I not recognize me god

I did not recognize you in everyone god

I greeted the god within all but not

not at this depth

falling into your eyes now

all your eyes

sweet god

how patiently you have waited in all my brothers and sisters

what game I have been playing putting each on different levels

according worth and value trying to determine where lies more grace

more pain

judgments as to where the best pointers to you lay

this makes everyone brighter than I can bear

god dear god your face I imagined to be so unbearably beautiful I

was afraid to gaze

(though sometimes I would feel a look)

(oh this makes me smile, you are so bright, you smile too, how

irreverent to look!)

and now it has been you all along

what confused me?

what blinded me?

how could I not recognize thee

what is this power in form to distract?

it is as if I can only look from my heart now and there lie my true

eyes

I don’t know what the ramifications of this are if all are awake

what then could be more sacred from one to the other?

why is my statue of Buddha more appealing then my microwave?

why would I rather put on a tape of gangaji than listen to the news

channel?

why then still this aspect of looking for clearer space?

why do I close my eyes in silent recognition falling in joy no words

when Eckhart closes his eyes too

yet falter when a friend discusses xmas decorations bought on sale?

why do I long to hear others speak of this joy this...what ever

this is

why do I love reading the spiritual posts as opposed to the newspaper?

why did I gaze into eyes today of some I met at sat sang a few months

ago

and we were wordless happy

I don’t know

what is true Josie

that I feel that I am called

this calling vibrates ever deeper inside

I feel light emanating now brighter

I am less afraid to shine

perhaps a lie

more so I cannot hide who I am

and who I am in love with

I’m with you

and I cannot keep from moving ever closer to you

and I am trusting this calling that directs me

it is you that shows me with light each next step to be taken

each holy step and I am guided to

each sacred choice and as I listen I become

deeper in you my love

and you deepen me

what can I say I know there is no me

just this sacred space you have always filled

I adore you

thank you

still wondering why I didn’t know

that there are so many awake

Josie

 

like the first time surrendering

 

like the first time

here I stand

unsure

wanting something someone

no

ready to receive someone something

no

ready to turn away from it all

ready to drop into this space inside

I ready myself to let go

the same familiar aching sorrow wells up

another veil to release fluttering

a bird to be set free

beyond

free

what hurts me now?

this

I forgave a man who threatened me stalked me

in peace

I looked in his eyes today

he felt the grace

it freed me

but I wonder if my forgiveness opens him to invade again

soul to soul I turn it to god

this

I heard a past client just died

he died a drug induced death

I had saved his life last time he told me

I can only honor that our hearts touched

dear soul I send you peace

this

a message on phone

when are you coming back?

how can I tell them I am already home

I need god more than they need me

dead as I was to my love

this

my heart is so afraid I may have to turn away from god

I am furious I cannot bow to any structure

where I could so easily be a monk, a nun, a minister,

an organized “anything” able to justify this

why god must thou be formless & undefendable for me?

it would be so much easier to point to

that

ah they could nod

well she always did talk about light and love and god

and loving kindness and compassion and all that

now she’ll be a Buddhist nun

so much easier it would be to explain

tisk tisk thought she was into meditation and odd stuff

but something must have changed

hallelujah Jesus has saved her I hear she’s going to bible college

and she’s going to be a pastor, really?

she believes in the narrow gate now?

yup. she has her answers.

set in stone I hear.

must be nice.

well not to knock it.

only it is not true for me.

that is all.

and here I am left holding nothing.

feeling nothing.

trusting nothing.

standing here.

holding nothing

but you.

solemnly though

I mean it when I say if our eyes meet

I won’t look away anymore

(can you feel the bliss?)

I’ll look at you amidst all my fear

of falling into you

yes I’m still scared I’m not enough

even though I know that I don’t know anything

even though I know that I don’t have to be anything

even though I know I can’t be someone

even though I know that I am nothing

I’m still scared this isn’t enough

and then I feel that feeling of death again

but now I know enough to lay my head in your lap

I cannot defend against you either

black emptiness I surrender to you

shuddering

how many levels of the heart remain to be ripped open?

unknown but here is another tearing

my safety drifts further away

yet I am safer than I’ve ever been

this sorrow goes to the core

I am not enough

I am too much

I am uncontained

heavy chest tries to keep me in

if I let go I’ll be too free

this seems like something that would anger someone

what am I still holding on to?

they will hate me if I let go

I’ll die if I let go

nothing will keep me

when I free myself I am irrevocably alone

I don’t exist then

if they can’t hold me down contain me they won’t care

if I am attached to nothing

I belong to nothing

it is unknown

I cannot prepare for that

I can only face this moment by moment

so I stand here

uncontainable

unavoidably here

and

committed in my love to you

I will bear this too

no easy answer

this is my surrender to you

my sacrifice tonight is my knowing

I sacrifice my need for the future

trusting all I must do is meet you now

and now

and now

oh I feel you now

this is wordless

surrender

I open now

stillness beyond me

I worship you

I serve you

I will word you

I will be in silence with you

anything you request of me

it is done

I give you my all

Josie

 

 

Beloved of God,

You are so Adorable just as You are. You are Perfect Now, Always Now. Changelessly Perfect. Awakening only seemed to involve a surrender in time, the surrender of the belief in time, yet Now is All there Is. It is impossible to “leave” What Is forever so. Eternal Innocence is untouched by the illusion of change. Your words reflect such a deep passion to Know. Such a blessing to behold. Such a blessing. Now “we” rest in the Wordlessness of

....I Am.

Be still and know that I Am.

Thank You for shining our Light so Brightly. :)

Love always,

David

 

 

~The End~

 

 

David Hoffmeister

4443 Station Avenue (Rear Building)

Cincinnati, OH 45232

513-898-1364

http://awakening-mind.net

 

David answered many more questions online.  These messages can be found at:

 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/awakeninginchrist

 

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